Snow White and the Seven Gremlins ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: CAST: Gremlins (in order of authority/visciousness): Kyo from Dir en Grey Daisuke from Kagerou Ruki from Gazette Yomi from Nightmare Ryo from Baroque Takanori (TMR) Ren from GacktJob Snow White: Shinya from Dir en Grey Evil Queen/Witch: Mana Prince: Die Gremlin's Maids/slaves: Toshiya, Miyavi Neighboring Kings: Gackt, Yoshiki Queen's Slave/Bitch: Hyde Castle guard: Sugizo Narrator: Kaoru Jrock Mistress #1: Jen-chan Jrock Mistress #2: Shei-sama Jrock Mistress #3: Sam-chan ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Jen: Hello and welcome to Jrock theatre! Where you lucky readers get to see our lovely jrockers reinact classic fairy tales! *evil laughter* ^^ Jrockers: *cower* o___O;;; Shei: And we all know what happens if they refuse..... *pats the whip at her side* ^^ Sam: And we also know what will happen if they play along like good little jrockers.... *hentai grin* ^^ Die: Now that's what I'm talking about ^^ Kaoru: *smacks* Shut up moron! Don't draw any extra attention to us! ><; Mana: ..... Kyo: You know they're gonna make us act like idiots anyways, I don't see what the big deal is Kaoru.... Totchi: I love theatre!!!!! ^^ <3<3<3 Shinya: ... -__-; Miyavi: Me tooooooo~ ^o^! Shinya: ... -__-;;;;;;;; Sugizo: *siiiigh* Gackt: *looks around uncomfortably* How come You-kun and Masa-chan don't have to be tortured with the rest of us, ne? Ren: I don't see why *I* have to be here... T__T Yoshiki: Erm, guys, what's with all the midgets...? *points over towards the gathering to the side* Ryo: I AM NOT A MIDGET DAMMIT!!!!!!! ><; Daisuke: *Crazy menacing glare at Yoshiki* What was that blondie..? Ruki: *growl* Jen: *cuts in* ^^; eh-HEM, before Yoshiki get mauled to death by vicious blond boys, let me get back to the point. Today, our story is going to be entitled "Snow White and the Seven Gremlins" obviously a take on Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs... Gackt: HA! Now I see why all the little guys are here ^^ Ren:..... I hope you're not referring to me as one of those seven.... *looks over anxiously at the other 6, the only ones shorter than him* dammit... -___-; Kyo: At least Gremlins aren't Kawaii ^^ Ren: but WAIT! *points at Hyde who was hidden on the other side* He's shorter than me!!!!! Hyde: Shut up! I'm not short! *does a mighty pose* ^____^ Jen: riiiiiiight.... -_____-;; lets just say we have a special part for dear Hyde, and believe me, you'd be happier as a gremlin... Ren: BUT... *whine* Jen: URUSAI!!!! ><; Ren: *whimper* Hyde: NYA *sticks his tongue out at Ren* ^^ Ren: ;____; Shei: Anyways, we have your scripts here, and we need you all to look over them before we begin. *grumbling from all jrockers* Toshiya: *raises his hand* I can't read!! ^o^/ Jen+Shei+Sam: -____-; Miyavi: I will help you Totchi-chaaan ^___^ *cuddles* <3 Jen: ehh... *pries them apart* You guys need to study your scripts, not screw each other senseless...^__^;;; Toshiya+Miyavi: *pout* T_____T Sam: Hehe, yes, and anyways, Kaoru-sama has the esteemed honor of being the Narrator for today!! ^^ Die: *cries* no fair!!! T___T Kaoru: FUCK YEAH!!!!! *hops up and down like an idiot* Oi, Totchi-kun, I'll help you with your script ^________^ Toshiya: Thank yuuuuuu~ Kaoru-samaaaaa~ *frolics over and glomps him* <3 ^///^ Kyo: *eats his script* buuuurp~ Shinya: -____-;;; Takanori: o.o;; *watches Kyo and follows suite* buuuUUUuuuuUUuUuuuUUUuUUuUrp~ ^__^ Yoshiki: *claps* I give that at LEAST an 8 and a half! ^^ Sugizo: No no! I think its worthy of a NINE!!! ^^ Mana: ........ Kyo: Hmmmph *sits in the corner* Takanori: o.o *follows Kyo and sits next to him in the corner* Hmmph! ^__^ Kyo: Get the fuck away from me you little freak! *snarl* Takanori: ^o^ *makes little growly sounds back at him* Kyo: .............. *stares* o.O; Ren: *clings to Jen* don't make me do this, please please PLEEEAAAAASSSEEEE! ;_____; Jen: *irritated* I already told you, YOU HAVE NO CHOICE, its decided, so just play along and and get it over with... *rolls her eyes* Ren: *whimpers and dribbles all over her shoulders* booohooooo ;_____; Jen: -___-;; Gackt: This is stupid. Everyone here with the exception of myself is stupid. I'm LEAVING! ><; *starts walking around, looking for a door, but can't seem to spot one* o.O; wtf? *spins in a circle and falls on his ass* Where's the damn door?! Shei: Haha! there IS no door, not until you guys have gone through the entire play for us. ^___^ Gackt: But... but... how... is that possible?! Shei: You should know by now that the three of us are THAT DAMN GOOD. ^_______^ *the three girls start cackling evilly* Gackt: *scared* o____o;; Miyavi: SOB! *he is so scared he starts to cry* ;________; Toshiya: *starts crying too* booohoooooo~ *glomps onto Miyavi* They're so scary~ We're all gonna DIEEEEEE!!!! ;____; Sam: *goes over and slaps Toshiya and Miyavi* Shut up and act like men goddammit! ><; Miyavi+Toshiya: *whimper and cling to each other* ;______; Ren: *is still crying* I want my mooommmyyyy *wail* Shinya: *twitches visibly* -____-;;; Mana: ...... Sam: *rolls her eyes and goes back to Jen and Shei* Takanori: *has inched himself into Kyo's lap* ^____^ <3<3<3 Kyo: *speechless* o.o; Takanori: *rubrubrub* purrrrrr ^____^ Kyo: eeee... *his stomach flutters* -///-; Yomi: *points and snickers* XD! Kyo: *growls* shut up! >///<;; Yomi: ^^ *starts singing* Kyooo and Takaaa-chan sitting in a tree... Ruki: K-I-S-S-I-N-G! ^o^ *the rest of the gremlins, plus Die, Toshiya, and Miyavi pick up singing* First comes looooove, then comes marriage... Kyo: ROAR! *jumps up hissing and spitting* SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!@! ><; Takanori: eee? o.o; *falls on the ground whimpering* ;____; Kyo: *nosebleed* -///////-;;;;; Gremlins: Then comes Kyo junior in a baaby carriage! *mad snickering and pointing* Kyo: >////<;; *cuddles poor Takanori despite his wishes to rip the others to shreds, then puke on them* Takanori: puuUuuUUuuuuuuuUUUrrrRRR <3<3<3<3<3<3 *clings* ^///^ Jen: OKAY NOW! *cuts in before Kyo can be provoked to violence* ^^;; I think we're ready to start, ne? Kaoru is the only one with any hard lines, and he can read from the script, so I think... *in her best Kyogrish* ...ITS A SHOOOOOOWTIIIIME! XD! Shei+Sam: *smile and nod* ^^ *the Jrockers all sigh, and grudgingly move into position* ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: Kaoru: *smile* Long, long ago, in a gala-i mean... kingdom far away, there lived Queen Mana, ruler of the free world. Mana: *comes out in a pretty gown with a crown* ........*glare* Kaoru: And she.. I mean he... ^^; .. was obsessed with beauty. His subjects weren't even aware of the fact that Queen Mana was actually ... a MAN. In order to make sure no one ever found out the truth, Mana HAD to make sure that he was the most beautiful in all the land, and he checked this every day with his special beauty sensing slave, Hyde. Hyde: *is chained to the wall and clad sexily in bondage gear and blindfold* booohooo~ I'm so miserable.... ;____; *writhes sensually* Mana: *walks up and primps before the boy* Sexy slave, on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? ^^ Hyde: *smirks* I am Queen Mana! Mana: -_______-;;; What have I said about this, BITCH! *he reaches for his crop and beats the hell out of Hyde* Hyde: *whimper* X____x Mana: ahem... I'll try this again... Sexy slave on the wall... who REALLY is the fairest one of all? *trails the crop threateningly along his neck* Hyde: *gulp* Y-You are Queen Mana.... Mana: *smile* of course... *floats out of the room* ^^ Kaoru: Queen Mana also had a son, from one of the village whores, but he never let that leak out, and instead passed the child off as his own that he gave birth to... *snicker* Prince Die, being of common blood, wasn't very intelligent, and Mana found it quite easy to keep him in the dark about all the evil plans he concocted. Die: Hi Mom!! ^_____^ *runs and glomps Mana* Mana: ......... *tenses up* ........... Die: Why don't you ever spend time with me? Why don't you pay attention to me? Why won't you let me leave the castle? *whinewhine* T________T Mana: *holds out a plate of cookies* um.. want a cookie dearest son? -.-; Die: OOOH COOKIE!!!! *___* *he grabs the plate and scarfs them all, then hits the ground, dead asleep* Mana: *walks away muttering* thank the gods for my pharmaceutical skills.... Kaoru: Hehehe *points at Die and laughs* XD! Anyways, meanwhile, in the outskirts of the free world, there lived a young boy named Shinya, but he was so pretty, everyone thought he was a girl, and they nicknamed him Snow White, for his beautiful pale skin. Shinya enjoyed picking flowers, frolicking in big pretty fields, and talking to wild animals. Shinya: *stands blankly in a big field, holding flowers as random deer and squirrels and butterflies dance around him* oi....... -______-;;;; Kaoru: Shinya's parents were dead, but the people of his area hoped with his beauty, he might be able to marry one of the neighboring Kings, Yoshiki or Gackt, and bring prosperity to their little village. While Shinya protested this publicly, he secretly DID have a crush on King Yoshiki... Shinya: *curls up on his bed with a nekkid photo of Yoshiki* oh... Yoshiki-sama... *breathy sigh* you are the sexiest creature on this earth... *_____* Kaoru: *disturbed* o.O;;; um.. yeah.. but seeing as how Shinya was still a child, his beauty wasn't able to be sensed by Hyde, cause Hyde, unlike King Yoshiki, was NOT a pedophile... XD! But when Shinya's 18th birthday arrived, Queen Mana was in for a surprise.... Mana: *strolls into Hyde's room* ^^ Sexy slave, on the wall, who's the fairest one of all? Hyde: ^^ I-- Mana: *BITCH SLAP* DON'T EVEN BOTHER SAYING IT DAMMIT!!!! >o<;; Hyde: *cries* owwwwwww ;_______; Mana: Anyways... Sexy slave on the wall, who REALLY is the fairest one of all? Hyde: *twitch* Snow White of the outskirts is, Queen Mana... Mana: NAAAAAAAaaAAAaAAaaAAANI????????? o.o;;;;;;;;; *grabs his whip and starts slashing at Hyde* SPEAK THE TRUTH BOY!!!! ><;; Hyde: *whimperwhimper* You are!! You are Queen Mana!!!! ;________; Mana: *huff* that's better.... *walks out of the room* Kaoru: Mana appeared to be satisfied with his slave's answer on the outside, but inside, it bothered him. Who was this Snow White? And how could a mere common girl be more beautiful than HIM? The QUEEN? He seethed inwardly, and finally settled on a plan of action to take out this Snow White.... Mana: Die-kuuuuun~ Where are you my dear son? ^^ Die: MOMMY! YOU DO LOVE MEEEEEEE!!!! ^________^ *runs and would glomp, but a random guard, aka Sugizo, blocks his way with his sword* oooooph... T_____T Mana: Deary, I have a surprise for you! ^^ Die: Really? Really? *bounces up and down with excitement, his eyes shining* *_____* Mana: Yes... I'm going to allow you to leave the castle... I have an errand I'd like you to run for me.... Die: Yeah? Yeah? *bouncebounce* *____________________* Mana: Yes... there is a nasty evil girl that you need to punish for Mommy ^^ Die: EEWWW GIRL! *makes gagging sounds* Mana: Yes dear, and I will let you borrow Mommy's SHARP sword to do it... Just be sure to keep it away from your own body -.-;;; Die: OKAYOKAY!!!! *__________* I'll go chop the nasty girl! Mana: Good boy, and this guard here *points at Sugizo* will go with you, to ensure your safety ^^; Die: OKAY! *glomps Sugizo* You're my new friend ^___________^ Sugizo: o.O; Mana: so go do it son, I BELIEVE IN YOU! T_T Die: EEEEEEEEE~ *he takes off running with the sharp sword* Mana: err... son.... Die: *trips and falls, stabbing his own leg* WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH IT HURTS! *flailflail* ;________________; Mana: ......... -____-;; Kaoru: So... a few weeks later, when Prince Die's leg had healed, guard Sugizo took him to the outskirts, the sword kept safely locked in its sheath... Die: Are we there yet? ^o^ Sugizo: no... Die: Are we there yet? ^______^ Sugizo: NO. But we will be shortly Prince Die.... -_____-;; Die: Are we there yet? ^_______________________^ *bouncebounce* Sugizo: .... oi.... ><;; Kaoru: And meanwhile, Shinya was doing his daily frolicking in the fields. *snickers and points at Shinya* XD Shinya: *GLARE* Kaoru: *continues to laugh* AHAHHAHAH! XDDD! BONK *a large rock hits him square in the eye* AAAAIIIIIIEEEE! o______x Shinya: *another rock in hand....* GrrrrrRRRRrrRRRR...... Sam: *runs out and grabs it away from him* ehehehe... ^^;;; That's enough boys, lets just get on with the story, shall we? neeeee? Shinya: *snarl* FINE Kaoru: -____x;;; fine... *sniffle* Shinya: *stands in field* >___<;; Die: *spots him and runs up* HI!!! ^___________^ Shinya: o.O;; Hello...? Die: *blush* you are sooooo prettttyy... ^///^ Shinya: -____-;; uh... thanks? ... Is there something you need....? ^^; Sugizo: *looking ragged and worn out* We're looking for a girl named Snow white.... would you happen to where we could find this young lady? -________________- Shinya: *irritated* NO! I do NOT know where this GIRL is! ><; Die: *stupid grin* can I get YOUR name then, darling? ^_______^ Shinya: -________________-;;;;;;;;;; my.... my name is Shinya...... Sugizo: C'mon Prince Die, we must get going and continue our search... Die: *winks at Shinya and starts to walk off, only to trip over his own feet and re-impale his leg with his sword somehow* AAAHHHHHHH THE PAIN! *sobsob* ;____________________________________; Shinya: *stare* o.o; Sugizo: *siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* -_________________-;; Kaoru: So... Prince Die spent another couple weeks in the village, letting his leg heal once again, and during this period, poor Sugizo, bored out of his mind, talked to several of the people in the village to discover that Snow White's REAL name, was none other than SHINYA, the very same pretty girl they had met the other day... Sugizo: *grumblegrumble* stupid fucking prince... *mumble* gonna murder HIM before this is through...... Die: *GAAAAAAaaAaaaaAaaAaaSP* you mean... that pretty girl... I have to chop HER???? *spits his wine all over Sugizo in shock* o.o Sugizo: *dripping and seething* YES, and you can do it ALONE, you IDIOT. I..... QUIIIIIT. *stomps off* ><; Die: o.o;;;;;;; *silence* Kaoru: Hehe, it took poor Prince Die about 3 days to process that his guard had left him, and somehow, at the end of that time, as he wandered around the village, lost and alone, he managed to run into Shinya again... Shinya: *frolics among flowers* lalaala~ -_____-;;; Die: *Gasp* Its you! o.o Shinya: *groan* you're still alive..? XD Die: *points* LIAR!! You are Snow White!!! O____O! Shinya: uh.. yeah.. you're right... -____-;; Die: I'm supposed to chop you... ;______; Shinya: oh.... kay.... Die: BUT YOU ARE TOO PRETTY >///<;;; *sobsob* I'm sorry MOMMY! Shinya: ...........o.O; Die: *sniffle* ;____; just run away or something, cause nothing can happen to MY Shin-chan *glomps and wails* Shinya: ><;; *TWITCH* sure... whatever... *shoves Die back and runs away* Die: *falls back and manages to stab his ass with the sword* YELP~ ;__________________; ShIIIIIIIIIIIiIiIiIiINYAAAAAAaa~ Come baaaaaaack~ *runs flailing into the woods* Kaoru: >_>;;; Um... yeah.. anyways, After several months, Queen Mana had still not heard from his son, or the guard Sugizo. Hyde had also stopped talking about that damned Snow White, so he just assumed that his son HAD succeeded, he just fell in the line of duty... Mana: *laughs* I'm finally free of that retard! ^_______________ ^*skips around merrily* NOW, i can focus on my true destiny.... Marrying King Gackt and adding his un-free lands to my territory! Muahahaha *pulls out a photo of nekkid Gackt* oh.. Gaku-chan.. you are the sexiest creature EVER *swoon* <3<3<3 Kaoru: *even more disturbed* o.O;;;; uhhh.... meanwhile... In the Un-Free world, King Yoshiki was taking a walk through the twisted and dark woods of his kingdom... Yoshiki: *whistles to himself* hmmmm... what a beautiful day it is today... I wonder if my lovelies are out... *giggle* Kaoru: Yoshiki was approaching the darkest part of the woods, where legend said seven evil gremlins resided. None of the villagers would EVER venture anywhere near this area... Yoshiki: *nears a little stream* ohohooo~ It looks like they are! ^________^ *hides in some bushes* Miyavi: *naked and bathing in the stream* Toooooootchiiii~ I need to you to come heeeeelp meeee~ *whine* I can't reaaaach~ T___T Toshiya: Coming Miya deeeaaar~ ^_________^ *runs and cannonballs naked next to him* Miyavi: >///<; *sputters with the water in his face* koffkoff Toshiya: *nosebleed* ooohhhhhh... Miyaaaaaa... o///o *attacks* <3<3<3 Yoshiki: *watches like the old hentai he is, and steals their panties* ^//////////^ eeheehheehee Kaoru: -___-;;;;;;;;; Yes, Yoshiki, wandering in the woods one day, had discovered this pretty little stream, and the two even prettier boys that came to bathe in it, and had made it a weekly habit to come by and watch them... err... play... ^^; He had never seen any of those supposed "gremlins" and he assumed that if they even DID exist, they would probably never dare to show themselves to KING YOSHIKI! XD! Miyavi: ohhhhh... *moan* Totchiiiii~ ^///^ Toshiya: mmmm... Miya.... you're such a sexy bitch *slap* ^///^ Yoshiki: *nosebleed* eheheheeee *watches* o//////////o Kyo: *out of nowhere* OI BASTARD *SMACK* Yoshiki: *falls over in shock* x__x Miyavi: *jumps* ehhhh? o///o; *crosses his arms over his chest like a woman* Toshiya: We don't need to stop now Miyaaa-kuuunnn~ *purrrrr* Miyavi: *whimperwhimper* but I'm too shyyyyy~ *buries his face in his hands* Kyo: *growls at the two naked boys* GET BACK TO THE HOUSE NOW! ><; Toshiya+Miyavi: o-okaaaayyy... Kyo-sama T_____T *they run away, trying to dress in the process* Kyo: sigh~ *stares at unconcious Yoshiki* what a fucking moron... I think we should eat him. Takanori: *skips up behind Kyo and glomps him* purrrrrr ^_________^